Mouth wash

“BOB, BOB” the wife is yelling at me from the bathroom upstairs. After being married for the time we have I can tell from the urgency in her voice that something may be wrong. I don’t do rush upstairs anymore in fact I have one pace for getting upstairs which is very slow. I’m huffing and puffing to get there when the yells are repeated. I’m beginning to think this might perhaps be something serious. The ceilings collapsed (I’d have heard that) the worlds ending (unlikely) a spider in the bath (more likely). I’m an out of breath but concerned hubby when I finally get to the bathroom. After the usual formalities of a concerned husband I discover she has taken a mouthful of muscle soak instead of Listerine. I quickly establish she hasn’t swallowed any and fighting back the laughter I suggest she “wash her mouth out”. No harm was done but it could have been a very serious accident. On the labels of a lot of products it says keep out of the reach of children. Perhaps they should add and pensioners.
After this event I was reminded of a friend of mine who a couple of years ago had Haemorrhoids (piles to you and me) he had been using toilet wet wipes to do the clean up job. Unknown to him his wife had left a packet of the larger stronger version in the spot where the toilet wipes were. He unwittingly used one. These things are great for cleaning the loo and associated area but not for those tender parts of the human anatomy. I know it’s cruel but when he was explaining his discomfort we had to force back our smiles.
I read a report recently that claimed that swearing helped you cope with pain. I’ve had plenty of experience with pain and as such I’ve taken the reports findings into account and am known these days to cuss occasionally. So it is usually the wife who is telling me to “wash your mouth out” “Oh b******s”.